Thursday, September 6, 2007


I can't take it anymore! Life without SPAM is too ordinary! I feel like Billy Ray Valentine - given such a sweet taste of the high life. I don't wanna go back!

It's been 9 days and I'm at home each night rocking back and forth in the corner like some kind of SPAM junkie. This can't end. It won't.

And maybe it doesn't have to... maybe I throw the occasional story or recipe up here - with no obligation - and we all keep living the dream! Then we SPAMFANS can stick together!

I'm just thinking out loud here, but how about I open it up... say you cook up a SPAM meal - email me a photo and the recipe and I'll post it!

We'll start a SPAM community, roll it into a club, and eventually become an extremely dangerous gang!

Is anyone with me on this?!

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

60 Days of SPAM?

Probably not a good idea.

It's over. Honestly, I'm a little bummed. You wouldn't think thirty days is enough to get nostalgic about, but it's been a long journey. So many emotional highs and lows...

You remember.

I get the "will you keep eating SPAM?" question a lot these days, and my answer- for the record- is "you're damn right I will."

I'll miss sharing it with you though.

I'm going to put together a recipe book from my adventure - something handmade. You're welcome to have one. Email me if you're interested and I'll shoot you some info.

I guess that's about it.

Take care, my fellow SPAMFANS.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

The Last Supper

We just finished a feast unlike anything you've ever eaten before - my entire family. I can't even do it justice with words... I'm just going to have to post an on-slaught of photos.

Here goes...

There were SPAM Potato Balls:

And Barbecued SPAM:

Fried SPAM Cubes were there:

And so was SPAM Prosciutto:

As well as SPAM Tortilla Rollups:

And a SPAM Stuffed Baguette:

A little bit of SPAM Stuffed Jalepenos:

And even some SPAM Sushi:

Which landed me with the well-filled plate seen here:

It's a lot to process, I know. But I think I owed it to SPAM. Now I need to go lie down.

I'll post some final words tomorrow...

The breakfast finale

Well you may have heard me cooking breakfast today... because I did it on the radio!

That's right. Pat & JT and I whipped up SPAM Breakfast Burritos inside the Q98 studio. We may have used the smallest George Foreman grill in the world too... but it came together smoothly.

The grill is definitely ruined, but the burritos were fantastic.

Pat even ate one with me... and I watched him do it! He didn't ball it up in napkin or anything!

Anyway it's a pretty good start to my day of finales:

Thanks, guys!

Monday, August 27, 2007

Crying into my kabobs

I felt like I was eating in mourning tonight... like I was at a post-funeral dinner or something. Woebegone and teary-eyed. That's what day 29 does to a man, I suppose.

And it wasn't the meal.

My dad grilled SPAM Kabobs that could change your life:

I just don't think my life is ready for change.

Casserole in the sky with diamonds

Picture yourself in a bowl at a simmer,
With medium heat and spices nearby
A warm oven calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A dish with the power of pie.

Chopped up SPAM pieces, soup and grated cheese
Pouring in over your head.
Look for dish with the steam in the air,
And she's gone.

Casserole in the sky with diamonds
Casserole in the sky with diamonds
Casserole in the sky with diamonds
Ah... Ah...

Shhh... I hear you, John Lennon... I hear you.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Life in the upper class

Two and a half more days... then I return to the less lavish world of mediocre meats.

That's a sad reality.

It's also a strange reality - that sneaking conveniently packaged meat into weddings and restaurants is now my perception of luxury and class... wow.

Maybe we oughta just let that one go.

And I'll refrain from talking about this regalement:

Saturday, August 25, 2007

The SPAM Pasta hail mary

I had high hopes for dinner tonight. A fellow SPAMFAN sent me a recipe for a SPAM pasta with spicy peanut butter sauce, and I was pumped.

So pumped apparently, that I threw out my cooking instructions after purchasing the ingredients yesterday. Go figure.

Of course, I didn't realize this until dinner was underway.

It wouldn't have been a big deal if I wasn't mixing vinegar, peanut butter and hot sauce... but I'd say in this situation, measurements were pretty freaking critical.

Anyway, it was too late and I was left to winging it.

I can't tell you what happened - the whole memory is a blur. I was adding liquids to thin out the sauce, and then again to fix the taste, and then I was adding more peanut butter to thicken it back up. It was too spicy, then too sour... you get the idea.

And right as I was about to give up and eat my SPAM Pasta sans the sauce, everything clicked.

Suddenly I had this:

And I... cannot even tell you... how unbelievably good it was.

Or ever try to remake it for that matter.

The best I can probably do is give you the list of ingredients and let you play the part of the blind sow.

And then say good luck, little warrior... good luck.

Fettucini noodles, SPAM Classic, red and yellow peppers, cilantro, peanut butter, seasoned vinegar, hot sauce, water

Friday, August 24, 2007

It's all gone a little too far

I used the leftovers from my SPAM Breakfast Bagel this morning to make this:

Which is a pretty awesome SPAM Robot.

Or was awesome... until this happened:

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Kentucky Fried SPAM

I have this friend of a friend, whose uncle knows this guy whose brother used to date this girl whose cousin worked at Kentucky Friend Chicken - and she gave me this recipe:

It could've only been better in a 10-piece bucket.

Big bites

I had SPAM Stroganoff for lunch today - a real man's meal. Which meant loud noises and bigger bites.

As seen here:

And now my stomach is at what must be maximum capacity. Because even though this bowl doesn't look large:

It's at least a gallon of noodles. I'm guesstimating on my measurements, but trust me - it's a lot.

Sidenote: The daily SPAM aroma is going over really well here at the office.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

The gift horse

I can't take any credit for the following SPAM Calzone. And I'm not even gonna try. I have a feeling someone would call me on it and be like, "that's not even your style!" - (like I've been doing this long enough that you all recognize the way I my mark leavened bread).

Anyway, Ashley made the calzone... the truth is out.

Which I found suspicious. Vegetarian wife who is sick of husband eating SPAM offers to cook it for him? I had to do the trick where I pretend to take a bite and watch her reaction when I "swallow" to find out if she had poisoned me.

Which- looking back- was probably wrong... but only because I didn't collapse while eating.

Anyway, the SPAM Calzone was delicious. And I think it's safe to say that this:

Turned out much better than whatever I would've made.

Nothing but hallelujahs

You guys may or may not share my enthusiasm for the miracle that is canned meat - and that's alright - but I think we should all be celebrating this:

Because SPAMFAN or not, this book has the answers to your questions.

I, for one, will savoring it anyway - for my final six and a half days. So I'll let you know how it goes.

Based on a first glance, I think it may hit pretty close to home:

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Reluctantly, "SPAM in a Blanket"

I'm calling this SPAM in a Blanket despite the fact that I don't agree with the name. Personally, when I'm in a blanket, I don't like to be swaddled like a baby. I don't think I should have to worry about waking up as a moth... that's just how I feel.

SPAM in a Cocoon... SPAM in a Body Cast... these are names I could get behind. But SPAM in a Blanket - I'm not buying it.

I will only call it that for the sake of the readers - who may be extremely confused by a title like SPAM in Dough Spandex.

The point is that I made 6 of these:

By entombing SPAM spears inside some easy-bake croissants.
And all naming issues aside, they were quite tasty.


I'll confess that I had meatloaf again today, but I only did it because I was having company for lunch. And it was the kind of company that brings television cameras, so I thought SPAM should look its best.

Anyway, I don't think I have to tell you how well that went. But look for the video sometime next week.

And did you know it's day 23 now? That thought keeps haunting me. I feel like I'm already saying goodbyes. It's like the end of summer camp.

The summer camp where none of your friends went and you were nervous and maybe cried when mom and dad dropped you off, but then you met some new kids and learned how to weave baskets and make flotation devices using your jeans and you had a crush on that little red-head and it ended up being the greatest summer in the world and when you got back all your old friends just weren't the same...

You know how summer camps go.

Anyway, that's how I'm feeling.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Weddings are easy

It's nice because I'm getting really good at sneaking SPAM into weddings... but if I never have to do it again, I'll be okay with that.

It's just too much of a crapshoot on what you'll be eating it with.

I'll say this... chicken gravy was a blessing:

Saturday, August 18, 2007


Or Puff SPAMMY... or whatever we're calling it these days - that's what I had for breakfast: the SPAM Puff.

Which is really just a lot of ingredients in a bowl and some trust that it will cook into something edible. But that's just how I live... on the wild side.

The good news was that I didn't know what it was supposed to look like, so success was pretty inevitable.

Here's how it went:

Eh, not bad! Although I wanted it to taste salty and it actually tasted kind of sweet, but... the mysteries of flour, I suppose. That's why I'm a spaghetti o's guy.

Anyway, I'm putting the recipe below for the loyal SPAM-loving readers (hi, Roz).

The SPAM Puff:
1/2 cup of SPAM (quarter of a can)
2 eggs
1/3 cup flour
1/3 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon butter

Preheat your oven to 400F. While that's warming up, mix your egg, flour, milk and pepper in a bowl. After you've worked out the lumps, add your diced SPAM to the mixture. Now throw your butter in a baking dish and let it melt in the oven. Then just pour your mixture into the dish and bake for 20 minutes.

Depending on the depth of your dish, it should look like this:

Friday, August 17, 2007

One for the kids...

Maybe it's the Friday talking, but I think it's time we loosen up a little bit. Enough with the neckties and the business meetings... I want legos on my desk and a blanket to wear as a cape!

I want to be a little more child and a little less angry-guy-in-traffic.

And I'm starting with today's lunch:

Hopefully that inspires you too, because if adorable SPAM shapes and letters don't do the trick, I don't know what will.

Anyway, as soon as I'm finished with this:

I'll be building a fort at my desk.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

SPAM soup for the soul

That's what it feels like anyway.

All good things...

It's been a big day.

First of all, they are now packaging SPAM in single-serving pouches.

Deep breath. I know. It's like the ipod nano of packaged-meat.

Secondly, a certain newspaper article has me feeling like a local celebrity.

As was the case when we went to lunch today anyway, where the girl at the sandwich shop counter noted, "hey, you're that guy!"

It's fun to be recognized.

Anyway... she was either awestruck by the presence of fame or the mystique of the SPAM Single package, because she agreed to make my sandwich specially with SPAM.

Which meant I was about to eat the best SPAM Sandwich ever made:

Thinking back, I wish I would've hugged her.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

It started with a casserole dish

I don't know much about cooking (or serious cooking anyway), but I do know it usually involves a casserole dish. That's my loose stereotype against oven-food... something I've surely learned from television.

Anyway, that's where I thought I would start tonight when I decided to attempt "serious cooking."

And though I couldn't find a way to search for recipes by type of cookwear, I did happen upon some directions for a seemingly impressive Spaghetti Bake.

And that's all it took.

Next thing I knew, I was wearing an apron, speaking french and bowing in front of a live TV audience.

I don't know what happened... it's like Martha Stewart and I switched places in time for thirty minutes. I was a different person.

But maybe that's just what happens when you use a casserole dish. Maybe it happens to everyone! Maybe I've stumbled upon a secret that grandmothers have been hiding for years!

Lots of questions here... that's for sure.

All I know is that I made this:

And it started with a casserole dish.

Good mornings

I said good morning to day 17 by cooking up some SPAM strips. And just SPAM strips... nothing else. I crave the raw heartiness of pork shoulder and ham these days. Eggs, fruit, cereal... that stuff is for the birds.

Then I said good morning to my wife by accidentally waking her up as I recreated a powerful moment from Oliver Twist, shouting "Mooooooore?" in the kitchen.

And since I'm off to such a fun start, I thought I'd say good morning to you too.

Good morning!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The power of vegetables...

is a curious thing. Make a one man weep, make another man sing.


I've shared my distaste for the mixing of SPAM and fruit in the past (yesterday, for example), and I stand by that... but vegetables are an entirely different story.

Tonight I introduced SPAM to pesto sauce, added some veggies, baked it all on a tortilla shell and ended up with an incredible lavash-like pizza.

Lavizza, if you will.

And it was so freaking good that I'm going to show you how to make it on your own:

I know... it's suspiciously easy, but that's exactly how it's done. And provided you didn't skip any of those steps, you should have something that looks like this:

Feeling pretty good about it? Well guess what... that was lesson #3!

Surprise! I just didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd be nervous! Man, this is what cooking is all about!

More than a feeling... that's the power of vegetables.

Baby sandwiches

My friend Ryan opened a local sandwich shop and brought us samples today. It's normally some kind of chicken salad recipe, but I've taken the liberty of repackaging it with SPAM.

Together we'd be unstoppable.

Monday, August 13, 2007

7 Things You Learn While Eating SPAM for 30 Days

1. What was once "irregular" is now "regular."
It's the first thing you'll notice. And I'm sorry if it's too much information, but you- and your coworkers- deserve a heads up. Maybe you call this a deal-breaker. I call it the nature of the beast.

2. Stop making extras... no one else wants any.
No matter how good it looks, people are skeptical. Unless they show interest up front, don't even waste your food. Either that, or plan ahead and trick them into eating it.

3. It is not proper etiquette to bring SPAM to a wedding.
Although most wedding guests find this extremely amusing, brides certainly do not. Also on the list of the displeased will be parents and grandparents of the wedding party. Mothers in particular are an indignant bunch. Just be careful.

4. 1% of people care about recipes, the rest just want to laugh at you.
People will take interest, they really will... but not because they want to create their own personal database of SPAM meals. They follow along purely to watch you eat things they find disgusting, hoping today is the day you're life-flighted to the hospital.

5. "Winging it" does not work.
You absolutely have to plan your meals. Rice krispies and peanut butter may have flown back in the old days, but SPAM is not that flexible. Take it easy, Mr. Wizard... you can go back to being experimental a month from now.

6. If you've had it once, you're an expert.
No one knows anything about SPAM. If you have more than two SPAM recipes, you should go ahead and sign up to teach a class.

7. Real meat lasts forever.
You can't keep fresh chicken on a pantry shelf for four years. End of story. It's the cooked-in-the-can wonders of SPAM like this which separate it from the petty, expiring meats most people pay money for at the grocery store.

Tyler 1, McDonalds 0

My stomach just took a beating... in the very best way.

Really, that's the mark of a great meal in my book - how fast it sends you running for the bathroom. I mean that literally too. You can't be walking... it has to be a hobbled sprint against time. That's just the rule.

A rule that this tender McRib look-a-like played by:

On top of tasting great, it was also an easy make. I brought the onions ready-to-go from home, cooked the Hot & Spicy SPAM in the microwave and just gave everything a bath in bbq sauce.

The only thing missing was jalapeƱo, but I'm not complaining. McDonalds still had nothing on me today.


Today marks Day 15 of my adventure - the halfway point. And I say that like it's the opposite of a mid-life crisis. I'm only halfway there!

So that's exciting.

What's not exciting was the breakfast I decided to invent this morning. Having seen a number of recipes incorporate pineapple, I thought... maybe other fruit can be good with SPAM too?


Pineapple is a fluke in the fruit-and-SPAM pairing situation. A phenomenon. I cannot explain it, but trust me, it works much better than orange juice and strawberries:

I won't describe it, but let's just say I've had better. And the "better" ones usually don't need a chaser.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

SPAM is in the air

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend, but I'll try to bring you up to speed. Let me start with the wedding.

First, you should know that I was serious about this:

That's a baggie of SPAM hidden in my sock. And I'm relieved to tell you the situation never called for that.

Between the buffet-style dinner and our quiet table off to the side, I was able to utilize the SPAM located in my pocket instead.

With the stealth of a mongoose, I slipped a couple slices out from under the table and added them to my dinner plate. No one noticed a thing until I started taking pictures, but I dismantled that bomb by arguing that it's something I do at every wedding and that I have an entire album of wedding dinners at home... then I was back in the clear.

I ate three kinds of meat while all the commoners ate two, but I think I earned it. And Operation Precious Cargo was a huge success:

In addition to the trifecta meal from the wedding, I also recreated an old home favorite - the BLT - in SPAM form:

My mom was eager to take credit for this one because we used her tomatoes (which she's practically sowing in the backyard).

Really, my parents were both unexpectedly excited about the whole SPAM thing. I think they even ran distraction during the wedding dinner op.

And then this morning they whipped up an amazing SPAM Potato Casserole:

How about that.

Now I've got a Grilled SPAM & Cheese on the horizon and I'm heading to bed. And looking forward to not carrying lunch around in my pants tomorrow.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Operation Precious Cargo

My friend Dave is getting married today - which means a SPAMless dinner awaits me at a wedding reception tonight. This poses a problem.

What poses a larger problem is the warning email that I received from the bride earlier in the week. It would seem that she, in particular, remains unenthused about the magic of canned meat.

So I'm taking extra precaution.

I've prepared two SPAM-loaded ziplock baggies; one I will keep in my pocket, the other in my sock.

Plan A: Everyone has forgetten about the SPAM, I slip some into my meal and no one ever knows the difference. Hooray.

Plan B: I get searched at the door, I give up the SPAM baggie from my pocket and I eat in the bathroom with the backup baggie from my sock.

Regardless, you know where my loyalties are. I'll go down with this ship if I have to! God willing - I'll be back tomorrow with some photos.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Well worth it

Yesterday I found a new SPAM flavor - one that seemed too good to be true (I think of Hot & Spicy SPAM and my mind goes to unicorns and candylands, you know?). So today's lunch was much anticipated... to say the least.

And I thought I'd really spice it up by going out for mexican food.

What I didn't think about, however, was my inability to negotiate- in spanish- the restaurant specially preparing my burrito with SPAM.

Instead, I was forced to unroll the burrito in secrecy, quickly add in my SPAM pieces and then play it real cool every time the waiter came around.

When I realized that I wasn't going to be able to roll the burrito back up, I buckled and mashed the burrito, SPAM, rice and beans all together into one pile. Like that was less obvious:

In the end, our waiter was no longer calling me "amigo," but the meal itself was just fine.

Freaking spicy:

But just fine.

The old muffin trick

You know what I ate this morning? SPAM Breakfast Muffins. Because that's what some jackball out there calls these:


How am I supposed to win the war on breakfast if I'm not even eating the right meal?! Replace that english muffin with a bun and that's the same SPAMBURGER I ate last week!

I hate being tricked!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

I'm full.

I received this handsome invitation in the mail today... to the release party for The Book of SPAM - where I can finally be with "my people."


Well then you're really not going to like this next part... because for dinner tonight, I had SPAM Mac 'n Cheese!

Alright, it wasn't that exciting. It was basically regular Mac 'n Cheese with more color. I faced the same delimma at the end anyway... to eat beyond comfort and finish the entire box or to save four spoonfuls for later. It's a lose-lose situation every time.

I chose to finish the box, so here's a photo before I go lie down:

A little more appropriate