Monday, August 13, 2007
7 Things You Learn While Eating SPAM for 30 Days
1. What was once "irregular" is now "regular."
It's the first thing you'll notice. And I'm sorry if it's too much information, but you- and your coworkers- deserve a heads up. Maybe you call this a deal-breaker. I call it the nature of the beast.
2. Stop making extras... no one else wants any.
No matter how good it looks, people are skeptical. Unless they show interest up front, don't even waste your food. Either that, or plan ahead and trick them into eating it.
3. It is not proper etiquette to bring SPAM to a wedding.
Although most wedding guests find this extremely amusing, brides certainly do not. Also on the list of the displeased will be parents and grandparents of the wedding party. Mothers in particular are an indignant bunch. Just be careful.
4. 1% of people care about recipes, the rest just want to laugh at you.
People will take interest, they really will... but not because they want to create their own personal database of SPAM meals. They follow along purely to watch you eat things they find disgusting, hoping today is the day you're life-flighted to the hospital.
5. "Winging it" does not work.
You absolutely have to plan your meals. Rice krispies and peanut butter may have flown back in the old days, but SPAM is not that flexible. Take it easy, Mr. Wizard... you can go back to being experimental a month from now.
6. If you've had it once, you're an expert.
No one knows anything about SPAM. If you have more than two SPAM recipes, you should go ahead and sign up to teach a class.
7. Real meat lasts forever.
You can't keep fresh chicken on a pantry shelf for four years. End of story. It's the cooked-in-the-can wonders of SPAM like this which separate it from the petty, expiring meats most people pay money for at the grocery store.