P-SPAMMY

Or Puff SPAMMY... or whatever we're calling it these days - that's what I had for breakfast: the SPAM Puff.

Which is really just a lot of ingredients in a bowl and some trust that it will cook into something edible. But that's just how I live... on the wild side.

The good news was that I didn't know what it was supposed to look like, so success was pretty inevitable.

Here's how it went:


Eh, not bad! Although I wanted it to taste salty and it actually tasted kind of sweet, but... the mysteries of flour, I suppose. That's why I'm a spaghetti o's guy.

Anyway, I'm putting the recipe below for the loyal SPAM-loving readers (hi, Roz).

The SPAM Puff:
1/2 cup of SPAM (quarter of a can)
2 eggs
1/3 cup flour
1/3 cup milk
1/4 teaspoon pepper
1 tablespoon butter

Preheat your oven to 400F. While that's warming up, mix your egg, flour, milk and pepper in a bowl. After you've worked out the lumps, add your diced SPAM to the mixture. Now throw your butter in a baking dish and let it melt in the oven. Then just pour your mixture into the dish and bake for 20 minutes.

Depending on the depth of your dish, it should look like this:

One for the kids...

Maybe it's the Friday talking, but I think it's time we loosen up a little bit. Enough with the neckties and the business meetings... I want legos on my desk and a blanket to wear as a cape!

I want to be a little more child and a little less angry-guy-in-traffic.

And I'm starting with today's lunch:


Hopefully that inspires you too, because if adorable SPAM shapes and letters don't do the trick, I don't know what will.

Anyway, as soon as I'm finished with this:


I'll be building a fort at my desk.

SPAM soup for the soul

That's what it feels like anyway.

All good things...

It's been a big day.

First of all, they are now packaging SPAM in single-serving pouches.

Deep breath. I know. It's like the ipod nano of packaged-meat.

Secondly, a certain newspaper article has me feeling like a local celebrity.

As was the case when we went to lunch today anyway, where the girl at the sandwich shop counter noted, "hey, you're that guy!"

It's fun to be recognized.

Anyway... she was either awestruck by the presence of fame or the mystique of the SPAM Single package, because she agreed to make my sandwich specially with SPAM.

Which meant I was about to eat the best SPAM Sandwich ever made:


Thinking back, I wish I would've hugged her.

It started with a casserole dish

I don't know much about cooking (or serious cooking anyway), but I do know it usually involves a casserole dish. That's my loose stereotype against oven-food... something I've surely learned from television.

Anyway, that's where I thought I would start tonight when I decided to attempt "serious cooking."

And though I couldn't find a way to search for recipes by type of cookwear, I did happen upon some directions for a seemingly impressive Spaghetti Bake.

And that's all it took.

Next thing I knew, I was wearing an apron, speaking french and bowing in front of a live TV audience.

I don't know what happened... it's like Martha Stewart and I switched places in time for thirty minutes. I was a different person.

But maybe that's just what happens when you use a casserole dish. Maybe it happens to everyone! Maybe I've stumbled upon a secret that grandmothers have been hiding for years!

Lots of questions here... that's for sure.

All I know is that I made this:


And it started with a casserole dish.

Good mornings

I said good morning to day 17 by cooking up some SPAM strips. And just SPAM strips... nothing else. I crave the raw heartiness of pork shoulder and ham these days. Eggs, fruit, cereal... that stuff is for the birds.

Then I said good morning to my wife by accidentally waking her up as I recreated a powerful moment from Oliver Twist, shouting "Mooooooore?" in the kitchen.

And since I'm off to such a fun start, I thought I'd say good morning to you too.

Good morning!

The power of vegetables...

is a curious thing. Make a one man weep, make another man sing.

Nevermind.

I've shared my distaste for the mixing of SPAM and fruit in the past (yesterday, for example), and I stand by that... but vegetables are an entirely different story.

Tonight I introduced SPAM to pesto sauce, added some veggies, baked it all on a tortilla shell and ended up with an incredible lavash-like pizza.

Lavizza, if you will.

And it was so freaking good that I'm going to show you how to make it on your own:


I know... it's suspiciously easy, but that's exactly how it's done. And provided you didn't skip any of those steps, you should have something that looks like this:


Feeling pretty good about it? Well guess what... that was lesson #3!

Surprise! I just didn't want to tell you because I thought you'd be nervous! Man, this is what cooking is all about!

More than a feeling... that's the power of vegetables.

Baby sandwiches

My friend Ryan opened a local sandwich shop and brought us samples today. It's normally some kind of chicken salad recipe, but I've taken the liberty of repackaging it with SPAM.

Together we'd be unstoppable.

7 Things You Learn While Eating SPAM for 30 Days

1. What was once "irregular" is now "regular."
It's the first thing you'll notice. And I'm sorry if it's too much information, but you- and your coworkers- deserve a heads up. Maybe you call this a deal-breaker. I call it the nature of the beast.

2. Stop making extras... no one else wants any.
No matter how good it looks, people are skeptical. Unless they show interest up front, don't even waste your food. Either that, or plan ahead and trick them into eating it.

3. It is not proper etiquette to bring SPAM to a wedding.
Although most wedding guests find this extremely amusing, brides certainly do not. Also on the list of the displeased will be parents and grandparents of the wedding party. Mothers in particular are an indignant bunch. Just be careful.

4. 1% of people care about recipes, the rest just want to laugh at you.
People will take interest, they really will... but not because they want to create their own personal database of SPAM meals. They follow along purely to watch you eat things they find disgusting, hoping today is the day you're life-flighted to the hospital.

5. "Winging it" does not work.
You absolutely have to plan your meals. Rice krispies and peanut butter may have flown back in the old days, but SPAM is not that flexible. Take it easy, Mr. Wizard... you can go back to being experimental a month from now.

6. If you've had it once, you're an expert.
No one knows anything about SPAM. If you have more than two SPAM recipes, you should go ahead and sign up to teach a class.

7. Real meat lasts forever.
You can't keep fresh chicken on a pantry shelf for four years. End of story. It's the cooked-in-the-can wonders of SPAM like this which separate it from the petty, expiring meats most people pay money for at the grocery store.

Tyler 1, McDonalds 0

My stomach just took a beating... in the very best way.

Really, that's the mark of a great meal in my book - how fast it sends you running for the bathroom. I mean that literally too. You can't be walking... it has to be a hobbled sprint against time. That's just the rule.

A rule that this tender McRib look-a-like played by:


On top of tasting great, it was also an easy make. I brought the onions ready-to-go from home, cooked the Hot & Spicy SPAM in the microwave and just gave everything a bath in bbq sauce.

The only thing missing was jalapeño, but I'm not complaining. McDonalds still had nothing on me today.

Milestones

Today marks Day 15 of my adventure - the halfway point. And I say that like it's the opposite of a mid-life crisis. I'm only halfway there!

So that's exciting.

What's not exciting was the breakfast I decided to invent this morning. Having seen a number of recipes incorporate pineapple, I thought... maybe other fruit can be good with SPAM too?

Mistake.

Pineapple is a fluke in the fruit-and-SPAM pairing situation. A phenomenon. I cannot explain it, but trust me, it works much better than orange juice and strawberries:


I won't describe it, but let's just say I've had better. And the "better" ones usually don't need a chaser.

SPAM is in the air

It's been a whirlwind of a weekend, but I'll try to bring you up to speed. Let me start with the wedding.

First, you should know that I was serious about this:


That's a baggie of SPAM hidden in my sock. And I'm relieved to tell you the situation never called for that.

Between the buffet-style dinner and our quiet table off to the side, I was able to utilize the SPAM located in my pocket instead.

With the stealth of a mongoose, I slipped a couple slices out from under the table and added them to my dinner plate. No one noticed a thing until I started taking pictures, but I dismantled that bomb by arguing that it's something I do at every wedding and that I have an entire album of wedding dinners at home... then I was back in the clear.

I ate three kinds of meat while all the commoners ate two, but I think I earned it. And Operation Precious Cargo was a huge success:


In addition to the trifecta meal from the wedding, I also recreated an old home favorite - the BLT - in SPAM form:


My mom was eager to take credit for this one because we used her tomatoes (which she's practically sowing in the backyard).

Really, my parents were both unexpectedly excited about the whole SPAM thing. I think they even ran distraction during the wedding dinner op.

And then this morning they whipped up an amazing SPAM Potato Casserole:


How about that.

Now I've got a Grilled SPAM & Cheese on the horizon and I'm heading to bed. And looking forward to not carrying lunch around in my pants tomorrow.