Saturday, August 4, 2007

The anti-hunger strike

I'm hitting it hard today... I just want to warn you up front.

It started with some SPAM slices this morning. I thought I'd find out if I could cook SPAM like it was bacon. It's a laughable thought now. It was like panning for gold in a river of freaking gold - I'll leave it at that.

Regular bacon is dead to me.

For lunch I made some homemade pizza. I say "I" like I did more than add SPAM before it went in the oven... it was really all Ashley. But who needs details.

This was a top fiver:

And just when I started thinking life couldn't get much better, my good pal Sam invites me over for to grill out tonight. That means it's SPAMBURGER HAMBURGER time!

I don't remember the life I was living before, but I'm not looking back.

Side note

Over the past few days, I've started receiving meal suggestions via email. Some of these are realistic recommendations from fellow SPAMFANS, others are just blatant challenges from instigators.

Seeing as I have 24 days left to fill here, I'm open to both. Cottage cheese and mayonnaise excluded, I say let's do this.

Friday, August 3, 2007

The joy of sharing

Hey, Friday is picking up! I took a tupperware full of SPAM cubes to Fazolis for lunch today. Now that I'm receiving a little less guff from my coworkers, I thought I'd get back out in the world.

I ordered Fettuccine Alfredo and turned down the chicken add-on, noting to the woman at the counter, "it's okay, I brought something better." She was unamused to say the least.

Back at the table, I yan-can-cooked it up by adding my SPAM cubes to the pasta, and- boom!- SPAMuccine Alfredo was born:

But that wasn't the real miracle of the day...

As I was enjoying my SPAMucine, I noticed my friend Craiggers watching me eat. A moment went by before I paused and turned to him. The entire table quieted. His eyes were aflicker.

My mind immediately went to flashbacks - cafeterias, bullies, mashed potato all over my face... and for a moment I considered bolting for the door. But it was too late.

Craiggers leaned over, stuck his fork into my pasta and took a bite.

Alright... really it was more like, "Hey, can I try that?" And, "Heck yes, I'll even feed it to you." It just seemed like so much more.

Either way, someone in the background was certainly jealous.

Just another manic Friday

I burnt my SPAM McMuffin this morning... every part of it. Now the kitchen smells like smoke and my portfolio of SPAM photography is taking a dive.

What a morning.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Hardcore lunching

I don't know what you all eat for lunch while you're working, but I eat Beanie SPAMsies:

And I eat it with fury:

That's truly the only way to handle that much protein. You have to be aggressive. If I was having something like a SPAM caesar salad, things would be completely different. I'd put on a tie, comb my hair... try to be a little more appropriate.

But with Beanie SPAMsies, all formalities are out the window. Toward the end I wasn't evening using that spoon... I was just shoveling it into my mouth by hand.

Things got a little messy, but it was worth it.

Just dreams...

I had a SPAM-related dream last night. No joke. And I dream a lot, so it's probably no big deal, but it is funny. From what I recall, SPAM was an actual person and we were traveling in space together.

This drawing is the exact image that I remember:

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


Tonight's dinner:

And I can thank Ashley for that, because before she walked into the room I was looking at SPAM & Jelly or SPAM Cereal. Desperate times...

It just takes more coordination than I thought. Not the planning of the meals, but the stopping at the store. Anyone can draw a snowman, but building one is another story... you catch my drift?

The point is, I'm not perfect.

But I'm no quitter either. I will preach SPAM variety! I will show you the limitlessness of meat that comes in a can! This journey hath just begun!!

One life changing breakfast at a time...

If I was going to coach you into becoming a SPAMFAN, I'd start with an easy breezy breakfast burrito.

That's what I had today, and it made me late for work. Not because it took long to make, but because I wanted to show you the way. I guess that's just the nature of my SPAM spirit.

Early FYI, you're going to need these ingredients:

From there it's pretty easy. STEP ONE is to get the SPAM cooking on the stove. I used Hickory Smoke flavor and it smelled like bacon - which was nice:

After your SPAM begins to show some signs of cooking you're going to need to throw in those onions. That's STEP TWO:

Now things are moving pretty quickly. STEP THREE calls for your scrambled egg mix. You should consider adding a little chili powder right now - but only if you're feeling wild. Which I was:

Now that your eggs are almost finished you'll want to toss on the tomato. I don't like my tomato to cook too much, so make STEP FOUR kind of a "finale" at the stove:

STEP FIVE is the last one. Add everything to your tortilla, pour on some hot sauce and roll that sucker up (yes... some of us roll tortillas better than others, it's nothing to be ashamed of):

And there you have it! You're probably anxious to learn more, but I think (and I say this as your coach) that you should practice this one for a while first.

Baby steps, my friends... you'll get there.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

SPAM meatballs

I'm not going to apologize for the late-night post because I'm still coming down from a dinner high that you don't even know. I treated myself to a romantic meal for one this evening... a little Spaghetti and SPAM meatballs - or SPAMballs? I don't know, but it's my new favorite.

Note the excitement here:

I was inspired to put more effort into my meals earlier today when I received a taunting email from grandpa. He noted that my little flash-in-the-pan 30 day run was nothing compared to the amount of SPAM he used to eat. Then he threw a handful of glamorous recipes in my face.

Needless to say, my SPAM Sandwich was starting to look pretty petty.

So tonight I wanted to raise the bar for myself. Now did I- at any point- yell, "BAM!" while I was cooking? Truthfully, yes. But look at this!:

(At least try to appreciate how hard it was to take that photo)

Here was my actual dinner:

And here I am enjoying it:

Despite the sauce all over my face, I think I've grown a lot today.
And that's pretty impressive for a "day 02."

Here's why you should be eating breakfast...

This morning - largely due to the fact that I forgot to go to the store for english muffins - I ate SPAM & Eggs again. I know, I know... but I'm only one man. I decided to make the most of it by documenting this wondrous breakfast-making process.

But low and behold, the entire meal takes 80 seconds and there's hardly time for photos while you're scrambling. I'll get better, I swear. But for now, here are three key parts to the scrambling process:

Monday, July 30, 2007

Day 01... a success

I think I'd like to preface all of this by noting that my wife of one week is a vegetarian. Telling her I wanted to eat SPAM for 30 days was like telling her that I hated children and all animal babies. Fortunately she has agreed to drive me to the hospital "when the cholesterol strikes."

That being said, guess who had SPAM and eggs for breakfast! Right out of the gate sprinting! That's how I started. Which was easy because I was in the privacy of my own home and not being mocked by my coworkers.

Which is more than I can say for lunchtime - where my handsome SPAM sandwich found about as much appreciation as an elevator SBD.

I'll give you a glimpse:

Not bad, right? Unfortunately, I was the only one who brought lunch into the restaurant, so that was a little awkward. I ordered a beer just to redeem myself as a customer.

Ahh... I have much to learn about taking my canned-meat message to the streets.

Dinner was a little easier. Ashley made SPAM Fried Rice (a very promising sign for the marriage) and aside from a little gas, life is good.

All in all, I'm calling Day 01 a success.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The pickup

I just got back from the store - loading up for the next thirty days. I'll be straight with you... this is a hell of a lot of SPAM.

Some rules

Okay, so you should know the guidelines.

Day 01
Breakfast: something with SPAM in it
Lunch: something with SPAM in it
Dinner: something with SPAM in it

Day 02-30

You get the idea. All 12 or 13 varieties of SPAM are allowed. I'm gonna shoot for a can of SPAM/day. I'll be getting most of my recipes off the internet, starting at, but if you have ideas or requests, please let me know.

And of course, I'll be keeping you all apprised of my progress with daily story and photo updates. In fact, I'll try to be more frequent than that.

Go time.